Where in the world is Harry Potter?
by crazyladywithabag
Summary: Harry has been disappearing every few days. Ron and Hermione are trying find out. HPDM, a bit insane, and people are really out of character. Please no flames, but REVIEW!


Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were on a mission. To see where Harry James Potter; Boy-Who-Lived, Man-Who-Defeated, Witch Weekly's Hottest Body 3 years running, The Daily Prophets Most Powerful Wizard Award holder, Order of Merlin First Class, went to on Saturdays at 9 o'clock until half past 12.

Not to mention the other people who leave at the exact same time. People so amazingly different like Padma Patil, Cormac McLaggen, Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley, Collin Creevy, Pansy Parkinson and others.

No one really noticed, except of course Ron and Hermione. They had asked everyone, even Harry who very slyly changed the conversation without even Hermione's notice. No one knew, and no one really cared. Even those annoying fan girls of Harry's didn't know, who usually when you say the word 'Harry' (even hairy) in front of start screaming like mad. * HARRY!!!! WILL YOU SIGN MY PANTIES!!!! * was one that was used very much, and then there was the occasional * HARRY!!! WILL YOU SIGN MY BOXERS!!! * so maybe I was wrong about it just being fan girls.... Any way back to the topic at hand, where in the world was Harry Potter, or rather, where in Hogwarts.

This particular Saturday Hermione and Ron were ready, wands in tow, they waited until Harry left the Great Hall, and tip toed behind him. They found themselves going up the 7th year Gryffindor boys dormitories and watching Harry change into his best casual clothes (they looked away at this point they aren't pervs!) and try his best to tame his hair. Harry looked at the mirror for a fifth time just checking over everything.

"Is Harry vain?" Hermione whispered to Ron

"I've never seen him do this before!" was the reply

"Who's there!" Harry asked to no one in particular

"Merlin, see Harry now your imagining things, first obliging to Drake and now talking to yourself! I should go to a psychiatrist, although I doubt they will think I'm the savior of the wizarding world... " Harry said to himself.

He then, looking around for anyone, left the dorms and went out the portrait hole. He looked insanely happy, grinning like the Cheshire cat himself, then thought about what he was doing and put it at a smaller smile.

Hermione took note of this.

"You're taking notes!!!" Ron cried in earnest

"Shhhhhhhh!"

Ron whispered "You're taking notes!"

"Yes, now be quiet"

To see Harry had already left.

"Now whadda we do!!!" Hermione whined in a very un-Hermione like way.

"I have the Marauders Map with me, I nicked it from Harry"

"And he didn't notice" Hermione said not believing so.

"It was just now."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

They opened the map to see Harry walking on the third floor, they caught up with him. Harry was humming. Harry turned sharply. As did Ron and Hermione, unfortunately Ron hit his nose on the wall trying to do the same. He walked up to a door they had never seen before, and knocked, in a pattern that sounded strangely like the song "YMCA."

A part of the door slid opened and said "State your business" in a voice that sounded strangely like Luna's.

"As the Ravens fly, Do the Badgers dig, As the Lions roar, Do the Snakes slither" was Harry's reply.

A whiney voice came out, "Why are we always last?"

"Because Drakey dearest you are." came mocking tone.

Laughter broke out

"That's not an answer and only Harry gets to call me that" came the whiney voice, which the duo surmised was most definitely Draco.

"Now boys, play nice" said a motherly tone. They figured it was Padma.

"Harry!" many voices cried happily.

"No need to grovel." Harry said lightly

"You have some ego Potter" Draco said

"Coming from you Malfoy"

"Yep, and you won't hex me"

"Why not?" Harry said in a sarcastic tone, which implied EVERYBODY knew why.

The duo started to wonder exactly why now

"because you luuurrve me"

A mumble was heard

"What was that?"

"You're right little idiot, can we get this show on the road" Harry roared.

"Jesus Potter, don't get your knickers in a twist."

"He doesn't wear knickers..." Draco mumbled to himself.

Hermione and Ron's eyes widened.

"Harry and Malfoy!" Ron spat in disgust.

"It explains a lot" Hermione concluded

"What on earth does it explain???"

"You know the fighting, how they've stopped recently. And it was probably the reason they got together"

"Their fighting got them together, how the hell does someone as smart as you figure this out!"

"Well.... sexual tension..."

"..."

A voice the dynamic duo thought was Blaise Zambini came "Why little lion, who knew you had snake fangs?"

"Real original, you all know I was going to go to the snakes but Drakey here put me off it so I wanted the lions."

Snickers were heard at Draco being called Drakey

"As Harry said let's start, Draco from the beginning."

Luna directed, "And one, a one, one two three four,"

_"Last night I had the strangest dream  
I sailed away to China  
In a little __row boat__ to find ya"_

Draco sang

_"And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned  
Didn't want no-one to hold you  
What does that mean  
And you said"_

Another male voice which was recognized as Cormac's sang__

"Ain't nothin' _gonna__ to break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down, oh-no  
I got to keep on movin'  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
I'm running and I won't touch ground  
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'"  
_

Everyone sang in perfect harmony

_  
You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts  
The road behind was rocky  
But now you're feeling cocky  
You look at __me and you__ see your past  
Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast  
And she said_

Another boy who they thought was Ernie

_Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down, oh-no  
I got to __keep on moving__  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
I'm running and I won't touch ground  
Oh-no, I got to __keep on moving__  
_

Harry was most definitely singing that part. And boy, did he sound good. _  
_And then they continued the song together.

_Never let another girl like you, work me over  
Never let another girl like you, drag me under  
If I meet another girl like you, I will tell her  
Never want another girl like you, have to say  
Ooooooh_

_  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down  
Oh-no, oh-no, I got to __keep on moving__  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
I'm running and I won't touch the ground  
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'_

Ain't nothin' _gonna__ break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down  
Oh-no, oh-no, I got to __keep on moving__  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
I'm running and I won't touch the ground  
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'_

Ain't nothin' _gonna__ break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down  
Oh-no, I got to __keep on moving__  
Ain't nothin' __gonna__ break my stride  
I'm running and I won't touch the ground  
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'_

Ain't nothin' _gonna__ break my stride  
Nobody's __gonna__ slow me down  
Oh-no, oh-no, I got to __keep on moving___

And there was nothing. Ron and Hermione were confuddled, to the utmost extent. They listened to what was happening in the room.

"That was weird" they said simultaneously.

"Singing???"

"Why on earth would they be singing?"

Luna's voice came up "That was perfect, now we have to sing a few more and we are done, but first, brunch."

"Harry, Draco do not kiss each other at the breakfast table, and we all know very well what is happening under that table young men." Pansy said in a motherly tone.

"Yes mother." Harry and Draco droned

"Ewwww!!! Did you have to do that, you can very well ruin my appetite" Blaise whined.

"I highly doubt that, you're almost as bad as Ron Weasley, you can't stop eating, Victoria Beckham could come in and you wouldn't even notice" Ginny said.

"Agreed" Neville joked.

"Hey, why Beckham" Blaise said whining as usual.

"Because you have a collage of her under your bed."

"No I do not..."

"Yeah and Hitler is the queen of England" Neville said jokingly.

"Who?" a bunch of voices said completely confused.

"Why does no one listen in Muggle Studies" Millicent Bulstrode groaned.

"Cuz' it dead boring"

"Yep Algona couldn't get worse than that."

"Where'd Harry and Drake go?" Pansy asked.

"It's, Drake and Harry, where do expect they went?"

"AW!!! EWWW!!!!!!!!! Mental image!!! Stop it burns! The pain I tell you!"

"Stop being a cry baby."

"Aww, Colin, let her have her fun, we all know she's just disappointed that Harry's gay"

"Well it should of been obvious, all the hot guys are gay"

"So you're saying all the other are ugly?"

"You're twisting my woooorrds!" Pansy sang

Ron and Hermione were disturbed and pretty mad. Why wouldn't Harry tell them about his little club? What made him so much happier here than he was with everyone else outside? And even worse, why wouldn't he tell them he was GAY?

"Why the hell didn't he not invite us?" Ron was pretty mad.

"I have no idea whatsoever"

"Really, the Great Hermione Granger doesn't know something?"

"Okay, I have a hunch"

"Thought as much."

"Well he could want to just have friends other than us..."

"Or?"

"He wanted to hide his relationship with Malfoy, because we hate him"

"I think it's a mix of both."

"That was actually smart."

"Are you saying I'm dumb" Ron said very affronted.

"..."

**1: 23 That Afternoon**

"Oh, look it's pot head and his little servants." Malfoy teased.

"Get away from us ferret" Harry said angrily.

"Oh, ickle-Potter is scared, some Gryffindork!"

"Shut up Malfoy, don't talk about what you don't know, I don't think your brain could comprehend it."

"Ooooh, big words, what did you get that from, Buck-tooth."

"It stinks like mudblood, don't you think?"

"SHUT UP MALFOY!"

"Protective much?" Draco looked a bit jealous.

"Let's go guys, he's not worth our time."

"Scared Potter."

"Just go" Harry said to his friends.

They could hear Malfoy boast to his friends.

"See they can't handle our superiority"

Crabbe and Goyle were just confused while Blaise and Pansy tried not to burst out laughing.

The Gryffindor's were back in their common room, and Ron was steaming. Oh no, not because Malfoy teased them, that was a usual happening, and didn't really bother him now, but why did Malfoy look like he hated to say that, especially 'mudblood.' It looked like he was about to puke when he said it.

Even he, with his emotional range of a teaspoon, could tell that Malfoy and Harry weren't saying it like they meant it. But they sure as hell could act.

Hermione however was up to something.

"Harry," she said innocently "where did you take acting lessons?"

"Oh Padma trained me so that I wouldn't..."

"Wouldn't what?" Hermione said eagerly.

"Wouldn't, Wouldn't, uh, have to say things that could incriminate me to Voldemort"

Ron flinched.

"How did you know I was taking acting lessons?"

"Well it seemed like you were acting when you were supposedly protecting me."

Ron smirked, he actually knew exactly what Hermione was doing, I suppose he has his moments.

"And Malfoy seemed really jealous when you said that too,"

"Not to forget how _lovingly_ you were looking at each other"

Colin saw what was happening, he knew that Harry didn't want them to find out just yet.

"What are you talking about, Harry would never talk to Malfoy lovingly!"

"Yeah he's Harry Potter, the ultimate hater of Draco "ferret" Malfoy" Ginny cut in, also understanding what needed to be done.

"Why are you two protecting him" Ron asked accusingly

"We are not protecting him!"

"Then why did you just say those things" Hermione asked.

"We followed you Harry, we wondered where you were going, every Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday at exactly the same time, excluding Wednesdays."

"And how did we not notice!?"

"Wasn't is a surprise when we found out that you were-"

Harry and Ginny covered their mouths, and led them to Harry's dorm.

"SINGING! WITH MALFOY!" They screamed.

"Good thing that we put silencing charms around our dorm eh." Harry joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't forget that you were dating Malfoy!"

"Oh yes, you're supposed arch rival!" Hermione said angrily.

"Okay, why are you so mad?"

"Are you two homophobes???" Colin asked.

"NO!"

"Then why on earth are you so angry."

"Well first of all, you didn't even tell us, second you left us out, third MALFOY!" Ron screamed.

"Of all people..." Harry sighed, "It was hard you know, you two are the only people I was friends with, and then when you were patrolling on the train last year we were all forced to sit together...and we became good friends, and we had something in common, we loved to sing."

"Then why did you go out with Malfoy?"

"Because I had a crush on him, and then the rest of the started matchmaking and we are now together."

"Ok, I'm still mad, why couldn't you even tell us?" Hermione asked earnestly

"Because, I had something that made me completely happy, and I had something that you didn't know about, and it was nice to have a secret that wasn't sad."

"But even about Malfoy?"

"I knew you two wouldn't accept him and I can't deal with you guys fighting all the time."

"But we'll learn, we'll become good friends, now that Malfoy Sr. is gone and Malfoy Jr. on our side, you don't have to hide."

"Well, can I just have some time, can't you just understand and leave me alone?!" Harry was sure angry now.... he was a bit emotional after the war. It seemed to him, that sometimes Drake was the only one who knew what was going in his mind.

"We can, we... alright we can." Ron managed to make out.

"Yeah, I suppose, you're right, I mean we spend time with other people, and you almost never hung out with anyone other than us" Like I said Ron does have his moments.

**THE NEXT DAY**

"So you have to promise me that you won't get angry ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it alright just show us this club."

"Oh Merlin, I hope they won't kill me, please don't kill me, please don't kill me." Harry thought anxiously.

"Hi guys!" Harry said overly excited.

"Hi Ha -"

"What are they doing here, I thought this was a secret, you were the one who made it a secret!" Draco said his voice getting louder with each word.

"Oh Merlin, oh sweet mother of Merlin." Padma kept on repeating.

"Well, uh, hehe, they followed me when I left the Great Hall..."

"You didn't forget the notice-me-not charm, AGAIN!"

"Well you know me, you know how I tend to do stupid things."

"Do they know, about you know what?" Draco asked quietly to Harry.

"Yeah, they know."

"So guys, they want to know about the club and hopefully join."

"Do they mind about you and Drakey? Or about us being in the club." Blaise asked.

"Uh, they were suprised, angry, and all that shit, but are ok now...I 'ope."

So Hermione and Ron tried out, turns out they are horrible singers, and they really didn't fit in. But in the end they understood. And kept silent about the whole thing, even about Malfoy. Just to let you know this is how it went...

"LUNDON BRIIIIIGE IS FAAAALLLIN DOOOOOWN FULLLIN DOWN FILLIN DOWN" Ron sang, in a really squeaky screech like voice.

"I like to eat eAT EAT OPPLES AND BANNOOONOS!" Hermione sung in a deep baritone.

Trust me the pain is still ringing in their ears.

"I thought I was pretty good" Ron said to Hermione the next day.

"uh...okay."

So that's the end, so they didn't join the club, but they became friends with Drakey, and trust me that took a LOT of work (although they still call him ferret boy and tease him), and this author is pretty happy about it, although the ending was pretty anticlimactic. So like all the great cartoons say.

"THATS ALL FOLKS"

P.S I don't own anything, not the song, not the characters, they belong to someone else. I do own the plot. So Please be nice, write a review, and I hoped you enjoyed the crazy. No flames, constructive is cool, but no flames. Makes me sad.


End file.
